thechildrenofactors:

When I woke up this morning in the pitch black of the windowless studio my thoughts were as follows: What time is it?  Dragons are fucking awesome!

I’ll elaborate on the latter.

For some reason, the full awesomeness of dragons didn’t really hit me completely until 8:30 this morning.

Dragons are like indoor plumbing.

I’ll elaborate on that too.

My whole life I’ve flushed toilets and turned on faucets and the like, and never have I  given much thought to exactly how the water gets there or where it goes.  But then if I really sit down and think about providing an effective fresh water delivery and removal system for every house in an entire city and, like, where does that water come from, and how do you even get good water pressure on the top floor of a building, and so on and so forth, pretty soon my mind is blown and I consider becoming a pot head and including an elongated “whoa” as a major part of my daily vocabulary.

So this morning I wake up and check the time and realize it’s 8:30 and then it’s like, holy shit, DRAGONS!  I’ve severely underestimated dragons!  LIke, dinosaurs are already pretty badass right?  Yeah, of course they are!  We’ve all seen Jurassic Park.  They bite off heads and run fast and take huge shits and feign adorable curiosity and then are all like, BAM, poison in your face!  Take that Newman!  So yeah, the consensus on dinosaurs being badass is overwhelming.  This is established.  Ok, so now take a dinosaur, already badass, and then put wings on it, and then, THEN—like wings weren’t enough right?, cause they were—but we’re not finished with wings, for some reason wings weren’t enough, we weren’t happy with flying dinosaurs, so it’s like, “shit, let’s just make this flying dinosaur breathe fire!”  Take that knights!  Right?  Holy shit!  So now it’s like Jurassic Park is for pansies, and this is all before 8:32 this morning!  And so now I’m like, Dude, I’ve gotta start incorperating [sic] dragons into my daily life.

Something this badass should be representing my totally badass lifestyle.

Right?

Right!

But then it hits me, Oh god, the nerds and metalheads already have a pretty strong claim on dragon imagery!  Like, in the image draft for group identity the nerds and metalheads (who are like not always the same thing but would share a ton of circle area if I were to draw a Vin diagram) snagged dragons in the first round.  And I’ve got nothing against nerds or metalheads, it’s just that I’m not a nerd or metalhead.  Like, I’ve never finished a comic book, I walked out of Star Wars, and I just on this last tour figured out the difference between Slayer and Pantera.  Seriously.  So I’m pretty much not a nerd or metalhead at all, and I figure this out at 8:34am and for the first time am totally bummed that I don’t get to be in either group cause they have dragons and, well, we’ve discussed dragons.

So then I think, well, if I’m not a nerd or metalhead and don’t get dragons, I’m in some sort of general group of people and my group has a mascot, maybe it’s badass.  So then I think, Well, of the stereotypical groups, like jocks and nerds and the like, I guess I’d be a shitty hipster.  Right?  Cause I’m not all that good at being a hipster, like I don’t put enough work or my parent’s money into being better at it, but, who are we fooling, I know the best route to ride my track bike to American Apparel.  So, ok, I’m a shitty hipster and then I think, Well, the nerds get dragons, what do shitty hipsters get?

And it occurs to me, at 8:35am, just what my group’s representative image is.

It’s an ironic 1980’s unicorn.

Shit.

I thought the same thing.  Weird!